October 16 Tuesday – See Oct. 14 for Sam’s disposition of his letter to Hartford City Government.

In Hartford Sam wrote to John C. Kinney, a major in a local “Foot Guard,” and editor of the Hartford Courant. Kenny had invited Sam to the Foot Guard dinner, and Sam took the opportunity to reply by continuing his gripes about moved streetlamps and open sewage in nearby creeks and rivers. The letter appears to have gone back and forth between Clemens and Kinney, all on the same day, so may have been sent by Sam’s servant or a courier.

After a page or two dedicated to the electric-light and tunnel hazards, Sam & Kinney played mail tag:

But there’s another way. Don’t you think you could come out to the tunnel — & fetch the dinner? You can easily find my place if you start before dark. Come; you are soldiers & you won’t be afraid. Fetch the dinner out — do, it isn’t far; I’ve got a lantern; you borrow another one, and we’ll have a good time. Borrow it of the Board. / Yours, in eager expectancy, / Mark Twain.

Foot Guard Headquarters,

Hartford, Oct. 16, 3 p.m.

Dear Mark:

There are a good many words which I can’t make out. If we send out a detail to take care of the policeman, can’t you come to the dinner & read it yourself? / J.C. Kinney, Major in Command. / Reply.

Dear Kinney — 

Certainly. That covers the ground. But pick the men. / M.T. / P.S. And would you be kind enough to order them to stay with the policeman and not wander? There is a river at the end of the tunnel. People & cats get drowned there every night. M.T.

P.P.S. You want to be particular about this. It isn’t a good river to get drowned in. For economy’s sake the city empties a lot of sewers into it, right under our noses. It’s unpleasant, of course — the “bouquet”, I mean — but it saves telegraphing. The hotels in New York never require Hartford people to telegraph for rooms; no, they say, “Open a car window as you come along — that’ll answer.” It’s a hint, you know, that they are aware that the richest city in the world for its size, can’t afford sewers, and uses hog troughs. We get all of New Britain’s sewage, you know; but did you know that we’re going to have West Hartford’s too, right away? And I’ve been told they are going to siphon the Farmington sewage over the hill to us. Some think it isn’t a good idea; still, it saves telegraphing [MTP].

James Porteus, Hartford, receipted $13 for “6 ½ days work at $2.00 per day rec’d pmt” [MTP].