August 1 Wednesday – Two days after Sam wanted Charles Webster to “run up” to Elmira, he wrote again to Webster.

The implements of the game, & way to play it—are the patentable features & the only patentable features, ain’t they?…So, just go ahead and take out patents, for US, Canada & England [MTBus 218-19].

Sam also wrote to Karl and Hattie Gerhardt, advising them to stay in Europe if possible, after they completed their studies there.

Then you can pick & choose for then you can make a living anywhere. And all that time, you are in an inspiring, life-giving art atmosphere—& that, in itself, is a continuous education; whereas the art atmosphere of America is thin, deteriorating & depressing, I should say. I imagine that it must be as dreary for an artist to live in America as it would be for a humorist to live in England [MTP].

Sam also wrote a spoof letter from Elmira to the Magnetic Rock Spring Co. quoting the many ailments the company’s advertising pamphlet claimed cures for. After asking that a barrel of the water be shipped to him, Sam continued,

Also, please instruct me as to dose—for adult. Also, what do you put with it? I mean, what do you put with it to divert your mind that you are taking medicine? Will it go with temperance beverages! I mean, soda water, lemonade, panada, milk, whisky, and such things. I am thus strict because I am a Grandson of Temperance, my father having been a Son of Temperance. Temperance is deeply imbedded in our family. It is for this reason that I ask, and repeat, will it go with temperance beverages?—will it go with the moistures I have mentioned? If with whisky, what portion of the water is best, combined with what disproportion of whisky?—for an adult, as remarked before. Yours, in alert expectancy. Mark Twain. P.S. The order is genuine, anyway. The rest of the screed—now that I come to read it over—appears to wander from the point, in places [MTP].