June 29 Thursday – In London, Clara Clemens wrote for her father to Bram Stoker that the family’s plans had changed, and they were not able to make the trip back to America with the Stokers [MTP].

Sam’s notebook: “Thursday, New Vagabonds at King’s Hall, Holborn Restaurant, 7 for 7.30” [NB 40 TS 57]. Note: see below:

Fatout writes of Sam’s speech at the New Vagabonds Club, followed by some excerpts:

Among London clubs that honored Mark Twain—and this time Olivia, too—one was the New Vagabonds, who had evolved from the Old Vagabonds. It was a coterie composed largely of writers, actors and painters who attempted to preserve something of the spirit of the Pre-Raphaelites.

It has always been difficult—leave that word difficult—not exceedingly difficult, but just difficult, nothing more than that, not the slightest shade to add to that—just difficult—to respond properly, in the right phraseology, when compliments are paid to me; but it is more than difficult when the compliments are paid to a better than I—my wife.

…

When your chairman* said it was the first time he had ever taken the chair, he did not mean that he had not taken lots of other things; he attended my first lecture and took notes. This indicated the man’s disposition. There was nothing else flying around, so he took notes; he would have taken anything he could get.

I can bring a moral to bear here which shows the difference between theoretical morals and practical morals. Theoretical morals are the sort you get on your mother’s knee, in good books, and from the pulpit. You gather them in your head, and not in your heart; they are theory without practice. Without the assistance of practice to perfect them, it is difficult to teach a child to “be honest, don’t steal.”

I will teach you how it should be done, lead you into temptation, teach you how to steal, so that you may recognize when you have stolen and feel the proper pangs. It is no good going round and bragging that you have never taken the chair.

As by the fires of experience, so by commission of crime, you learn real morals. Commit all the crimes, familiarize yourself with all sins, take them in rotation (there are only two or three thousand of them), stick to it, commit two or three every day, and by and by you will be proof against them. When you are through you will be proof against all sins and morally perfect. You will be vaccinated against every possible commission of them. This is the only way.

Appropriately, Sam followed with the story of the stolen watermelon [MT Speaking 330-2]. *Chairman who introduced Mark Twain: George Grossmith (1847-1912); British comedian.