September 8 Thursday – In Elmira Sam wrote an answer to Alfred P. Burbank that was labeled “UNMAILED ANSWER.” On Sept. 11 Burbank referred to a telegram received on Sept. 9. Sam wrote a few unmailed answers that reflected a particularly prickly mood. For the other see next letter this date.
Alas & alas & alas, have I gone & harnessed-up with another man who doesn’t know anything about business? [MTP].
Sam also wrote a scathing and sarcastic but also a hilarious “UNMAILED ANSWER” to W.R. Ward, and then sent a short, formal answer on Webster & Co. Letterhead, warning Ward “if you put the piece on the stage, you must take the legal consequences.” Ward wrote on Sept. 3, evidently announcing his intention of dramatizing Tom Sawyer. Sam responded that Ward was “No. 1365” to attempt such a thing, and “That is a book, dear sir, which cannot be dramatized.”
How kind of you to invite me to the funeral. Go to; I have attended a thousand of them. I have seen Tom Sawyer’s remains in all the different kinds of dramatic shrouds there are. You cannot start anything fresh. Are you serious when you propose to pay my expence — if that is the Susquehannian way of spelling it? And can you be aware that I charge a hundred dollars a mile when I travel for pleasure? Do you realize that it is 432 miles to Susquehanna? Would it be handy for you to send me the $43,200 first, so I could be counting it as I come along; because railroading is pretty dreary to a sensitive nature when there’s nothing sordid to buck at for Zeitvertreib [MTP].
Sam also wrote To Frederick J. Hall, concerning the proposed cookbook by Delmonico’s chef, Alessandro Filippini (see Sept. 5 entry).
I think it is the very book we want — though you see you have left me in the dark again as to an essential feature: how many words does it contain? Make him an offer of 5 per cent. If he agrees, close the contract. If he doesn’t, keep at him, & yield a little till you get him.
Sam proposed two different bindings, and told Hall to “Be ready with your facts Wednesday morning, when I look in” [MTLTP 231].
Edward H. House wrote from Hartford to Sam about the Clemenses impending return home. He told of staying with the Yosts and also the Warners; of Koto’s dressing up Daisy Warner in a Oriental costume for House’s birthday surprise. Sam later wrote on the envelope, “Sept. 8, ’87 This shows that he had been intending to go to California [in] October!” On the back panel of the letter, Sam wrote,
Written 10 days after he swears he notified me that the play was done. Apparently he is not insulted by my making no response to his notification, but gushes away as blithely as if being slapped in the face merely adds fire and zest to his affectations [MTP].