November 10 Saturday – At 1410 W. 10th in N.Y.C., Sam wrote to John Brisben Walker, that Livy and the girls had hired a motor car (“mobile”). He then faced the modern problem of how to get a taxi in New York City when one was needed:

The world does move! Mrs. Clemens & the girls have gone off in a hired mobile to the theatre in Harlem. She & I went to Harlem in a coupe three days ago, with a poor tired horse who made less than 4 miles an hour, & it is a pity for the horse that has converted the woman.

Now then, please tell me where in New York we can send & get a mobile at peace-rates when we need one [MTP].

Note: In 1900 there were only 8,000 autos registered in the entire U.S. and only about ten miles of paved roads. Only 4,000 autos were manufactured in 1900. Ten years later there were 187,000 rolling out of factories. The Automobile Club of America first met on Oct. 16, 1900, and sponsored the first auto show in Madison Square Garden Nov. 3 to10. Still, there was much skepticism about the “devil-wagon.”

In the evening Sam went to a banquet in his honor at the Lotos Club. Powers writes that William Dean Howells introduced Mark Twain at the dinner [MT A Life 604], though the following newspaper account by the N.Y. Tribune, Nov. 11, 1900 p.4 did not report this. Macnaughton observes that Sam, in a speech “abundantly quoted by the press,” that “several of his remarks pertained to American foreign policy.” Thus Mark Twain was using the newspapers to become more influential in matters political [145].

MARK TWAIN AT THE LOTOS

HUMORIST LATE FOR THE FEAST IN HIS HONOR.

SPEECHES BY THE GUEST, SENATORE DEPEW, EX-SPEAKER REED, ST CLAIR McKELWAY AND OTHERS.

The Lotos Club gave a dinner last night in honor of Mark Twain. The dinner was to begin at 6:30 o’clock. Mark Twain reached the clubhouse at 8 o’clock. Because of the anxiety of several members of the club, arising from a rumor that the famous author had been run over by a Broadway cable car, a delegation from the club was sent about 7:15 o’clock to the Hotel Earlington where Mark Twain is staying [he’d moved]. The delegation inquired how seriously the author of “Innocents Abroad” had been injured by the cable car, when Mark Twain himself appeared. On guessing the mission of his visitors the invited guest exclaimed:

“Why this is too bad! I had forgotten all about it. Just wait fifteen minutes and I’ll get right into my clothes.”

When Mark Twain reached the clubhouse he was escorted to the table of honor, which had been placed in a large doorway opening from the front drawing room into the café. The doorway was heavily festooned with oak leaves, red from the autumn’s frost. Both drawing room and café were filled with tables, and crowded with guests and members of the club. At the dinner two hundred persons were seated.

Frank R. Lawrence, president of the club, sat to the left of Mark Twain at the table of honor, and acted as toastmaster. …

MARK TWAIN RESPONDS TO A TOAST.

As Mr. Clemens arose in response to the toast which was then proposed in his name, Benjamin B. Odell, Jr., the Governor-elect, entered the rooms. The cheering for Mr. Clemens, together with that for Mr. Odell, became deafening. When Mr. Odell had taken a seat almost opposite the guest of the evening, Mark Twain arose, and, running his fingers through his long, white hair, looked about him on his hosts. There was a kindly smile on his face as he said:

I thank you all out of my heart. This reception is too great for a native of Missouri, and yet I am not the only Missourian here. Here is a Missourian: here is McKelway. Here is the greatest Missourian of them all! (Turning to Thomas B. Reed, who was seated on his left,) “Tom” Reed has well concealed his birth until now. Indeed, he says he has left politics and is leading a respectable life. Yes, he has found a new business to suit his make and constitution. That is, as I have every reason to believe, to raise the average of beauty.

Many things, it is true, have happened since I stood before you seven years ago. The president has made reference to my debts. Yes, that is the plain English of it. He has referred to the bankrupt firm of Charles L. Webster & Co. And right here I want to speak a word of the ninety-six men and women who were my creditors at that time.

PRAISES HIS FORMER CREDITORS.

There was a great deal of feeling in what the speaker said, and he paused several minutes before he continued:

I have the most kindly remembrance of those creditors. While all these praises are being uttered of me, I feel that my creditors are being slighted. Praises are due them more than me. In my times of troubles they did not add a finger’s weight to the burden that I had to bear. They treated me well. They said: “Don’t hurry, Mark, don’t worry, Mark. We are not anxious bout our money.” That is what they said to me. Oh, if I could always have that kind of creditors—

Here the laughter ended the sentence.

“Indeed” Mark Twain began again, “those creditors were even handsomer than Tom Reed.” The speaker bowed to his fellow guests and continued:

But we have fought a righteous war since I have been gone (cheers), and by the grace of God we have won, and we have set Cuba free. We have joined her to the other four great countries who enjoy the blessings of liberty. We started out to set the Filipinos free, and why our righteous purpose appears to have miscarried, I suppose we will never know (Laughter.) But we have done well in China. I tell you, the Yellow Fever is threatening the world to-day as it never did before. We didn’t know what the results would be. But we do know that our Government had no hand in evoking that terror, and has done all in its power to annihilate it. (Cheers.)

Comparing Sam’s remarks here with the Nov. 17, p. BR12 New York Time’s version (different even from the Times’ Nov. 11, p.5 account), perhaps reflects the practice then (and even now!) of journalists misquoting or “filling in” what was actually said. It is a shame we have no recordings of these events. The Times article gave the following notables at the main table: Frank R. Lawrence, Mark Twain,

Benjamin B. Odell, Jr., St. Clair McKelway, Thomas Bailey Aldrich, Chauncey M. Depew, Booker T. Washington, Ex-Speaker Thomas B. Reed, Henry H. Rogers, George Harvey, E. Wood Perry, Jr., John Hare, Joseph C. Hendrix, Augustus Thomas, John Kendrick Bangs, Moncure D. Conway, Samuel E. Moffett, Frank H. Platt, and William Dean Howells. From part of Sam’s remarks, the Times quoted him quite differently than the Tribune:

“Mr. President and Friends: I thank you for this greeting; I thank you all out of my hear, for this is a fraternal welcome—a welcome too magnificent for a humble Missourian, far from his native state—but I feel at home here, as there are other Missourians seated at this table, and I am glad to see Tom Reed here too. They tell me that since I have been away Reed has deserted politics and is now leading a creditable life; he has reformed and, as he himself says, he is now engaged in raising the standard of beauty [Laughter.]

“Your president has referred to certain burdens which I was weighted with. I am glad he did, as it gives me an opportunity which I wanted. to speak of those debts, you all know what he meant when he referred to it, and of the poor bankrupt firm of C. L. Webster & Co. No one has said a word about those creditors. There were ninety-six creditors in all, and not by a finger’s weight did ninety-five out of the ninety-six add to the burden of that time. They treated me well; they treated me handsomely. I never knew I owed them anything; not a sign came from them.

“Don’t you worry and don’t you hurry,” was what they said. How I wish I could have creditors of that kind always! [Laughter.] Really, I recognize it as a personal loan to myself to be out of debt. I wasn’t personally acquainted with ten of them, you know. ‘Don’t you worry and don’t you hurry’; that phrase is written on my heart. You are always very kind in saying things about me, but you have forgotten those creditors. They were the handsomest people I ever knew. They were handsomer than I was—handsomer than Tom Reed. [Cheers and laughter.]

“How many things have happened in the seven years I have been away from home! We have fought a righteous war, and a righteous war is a rare thing in history. We have turned aside from our own comfort and seen to it that freedom should exist not only within our own gates, but in our own neighborhood. We have set Cuba free and placed her among the galaxy of free nations of the world. We started out to set those poor Filipinos free, but why that righteous plan miscarried perhaps I shall never know. We have also been making a creditable showing in China, and that is more than all of the powers can say. The ‘Yellow Terror’ is threatening the world, but no matter what happens the United States says that it has had no part in it. [Applause.]

Note: Sam also commented on Free Silver, the recent election of McKinley and Roosevelt, Governor-elect Odell, Chauncey Depew as US Senator and his being a mugwump, “perhaps the last of his race.” A photograph of Clemens amidst a group of men in formal attire is dated this day by the MTP.

On Nov. 17 the New York Times ran a follow-up article on the Lotos dinner, quoting Sam at length on the political situation:

MARK TWAIN.

When Mr. Clemens rose to speak he was cheered loud and heartily. It was nearly three minutes before he was permitted to proceed. Pushing his bushy white hair back from his forehead, he began:

“Mr. President and Friends: I thank you for this greeting; I thank you all out of my hear, for this is a fraternal welcome—a welcome too magnificent for a humble Missourian, far from his native state—but I feel at home here, as there are other Missourians seated at this table, and I am glad to see Tom Reed here too. They tell me that since I have been away Reed has deserted politics and is now leading a creditable life; he has reformed and, as he himself says, he is now engaged in raising the standard of beauty. [Laughter.]

“Your president has referred to certain burdens which I was weighted with. I am glad he did, as it gives me an opportunity which I wanted. to speak of those debts, you all know what he meant when he referred to it, and of the poor bankrupt firm of C. L. Webster & Co. No one has said a word about those creditors. There were ninety-six creditors in all, and not by a finger’s weight did ninety-five out of the ninety-six add to the burden of that time. They treated me well; they treated me handsomely. I never knew I owed them anything; not a sign came from them.

“Don’t you worry and don’t you hurry,” was what they said. How I wish I could have creditors of that kind always! [Laughter.] Really, I recognize it as a personal loan to myself to be out of debt. I wasn’t personally acquainted with ten of them, you know. ‘Don’t you worry and don’t you hurry’; that phrase is written on my heart. You are always very kind in saying things about me, but you have forgotten those creditors. They were the handsomest people I ever knew. They were handsomer than I was—handsomer than Tom Reed. [Cheers and laughter.]

“How many things have happened in the seven years I have been away from home! We have fought a righteous war, and a righteous war is a rare thing in history. We have turned aside from our own comfort and seen to it that freedom should exist not only within our own gates, but in our own neighborhood. We have set Cuba free and placed her among the galaxy of free nations of the world. We started out to set those poor Filipinos free, but why that righteous plan miscarried perhaps I shall never know. we have also been making a creditable showing in China, and that is more than all of the powers can say. The ‘Yellow Terror’ is threatening the world, but no matter what happens the United States says that it has had no part in it. [Applause.]

“Since I have been away we have been nursing free silver. [Laughter.] We have watched by its cradle, we have done our best to raise that child; but every time it seemed to be getting along nicely along came some pestiferous Republican and gave it the measles or something. [Laughter and applause.] I fear we will never raise that child. [Applause.]

“We’ve done more than that. We elected a President four years ago. We’ve found fault with him and criticized him, and here a day or two ago we go and elect him for another four years with votes enough to spare to do it over again. [Laughter.] We have tried a Governor for two years and we liked him so well that we decided to put him in the great office of Vice President, not that the office may confer distinction upon him, but that he may confer distinction upon the office. For a while we will not stammer and be embarrassed when somebody asks us the name of the Vice President. [Laughter.] He is widely known, and in some places favorably. [Laughter.] I am a little afraid that these fulsome compliments may be misunderstood; I have been away for a long time and I am not used to this complimentary business; I merely want to testify to my old admiration for my friend the Governor. If you give him rope enough—[Prolonged laughter] I meant to say— well, it is not necessary for me to say any more; you know him. [Renewed laughter.]

“Then take Odell; you’ve made him Governor. He’s another Rough Rider, I suppose; all the fat things seem to go to that profession. I would have been a Rough Rider myself had I known this political Klondike was going to open up. I would have gone to war if I could have gone in an automobile, but never on a horse. I know the horse too well; I know the horse in peace and in war. A horse thinks of too many things to do which you do not expect. He is apt to bit you in the leg when you think he is half asleep. A horse is too capricious for me. [Laughter.]

“We have taken Chauncey Depew out of an active an useful life and made him a Senator; embalmed him, corked him up; look at that gilded mummy. That man has said many a true thing about me in his time, and I always said something would happen to him. That man has made my life miserable at many a banquet on both sides of the ocean, and palsied be the hand that draws that cork. [Laughter.]

“All these things and many more have happened since I have been away. It only goes to show how little a Mugwump, perhaps the last of his race, is missed in this unfeeling world. I come back and find myself a party by myself. Seven years ago when I was old and worn and down, you have me the grip and the word which lifts a man up and makes him glad to be alive. I come back from my exile fresh and young and alive, ready to begin anew. [Applause.] Your welcome warms me, it makes me feel that it is a reality and not a glorious dream to vanish with the morning.”